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Where the fuck's reverse?
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Mister Doctor
This week I finally came out of no mans land
Of not knowing my situation with the hospital
I had an appointment with a Mr Cohen
I wasn't to know that heart surgeons don't use the prefix Dr
But a heart surgeon he was
With dark jaunty wavy hair
And a dark blue Oxfordian blazer
He cut to the chase pretty quickly
The only thing for me was heart surgery
In particular...a triple heart bypass
Despite the fact that I sort of expected this
It was sober and numb
Because it was a Mr not a Dr
I was at a crucial point
And I arrived without any expectation
I had to make a decision...right there
Whilst I was in no mans land for the last three weeks
I did a lot of reading
Trying to find if there was any other way...than this
I came across Chelation Therapy
It is a chemical called EDTA
That collects heavy metal from the blood and takes them out via the kidneys
It also reputedly breaks down calcified plaque
It is popular in the States taken in oral form or at clinics intravenously
I knew that I would need more evidence before I could confront my doctor with this
So I searched intensively
I eventually uncovered a large clinical trial
$30 million worth over five years
I dashed off to see a friend of mine who is a scientist with cancer research
She checked it out
And told me that it was at the end of the third stage
Which means that it had been proved effective
And that the side effects were acceptable
She also knew all about EDTA and confirmed the concept of it's use
Now armed with this new information
I had a dilemma
This proof didn't really help me
Because the only avenue open to me
Would be to pop over to America
Once the clinics had assimilated the results
But how long would this take?
And with no way of earning any extra money
How would I pay for it?
Then with further investigation I discovered that the whole thing was politically dubious
Oh the joys of the internet
Oh the joys of American medical politics
I mentioned the therapy to the surgeon
In a kind of weak attempt at avoiding the inevitable
My words kind of fell out of my mouth and rolled under the table
And I shook hands on a mega surgery deal
He said he was going to put me on the urgent list
Which means within the month
Each subsequent person I met along the medical chain that afternoon reminded me
That I was (shock) only 42
And there is not one budding Nancy Drew
Willing to delve into the mystery of how I got into this mess
Although I have a very positive outlook on these affairs
They will give me a fresh start
And a good foundation
It is having a depressing affect on my unconscious mind
For when I sleep
I seem to be aware of all of this
And it is playing out in strange vivid concepts
In epic performances
I can get up in the middle of the night for a piss
And say to myself
Right that's it Spence...quieten the mind...be still...rest
But the epic will continue from pretty much where I left it
And I awake worn and tired
With that buffer of insulating sweet buzziness that one associates with depressive weakness
And now since the school holidays have started
I am drawn from bed by Junior (6)
To play monopoly
By the time I sit down with the cuppa
He has already taken his first go
The game is made easier by the introduction of a new rule
To help it flow for a six year old
The Affordable Housing Rule
When you land on your own property
You get allocated a council house
The board soon fills up with housing
And one of us will topple
And by this time I will feel quite normal again
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